I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
In America we eat man semen.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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