Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
