You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
