remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
