alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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