It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I am spending my child support on dildos
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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