Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
