She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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