The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
