I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
