They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
