Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
