The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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