I'm so fucking centered right now
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
