I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
