Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
