College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
