It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
