do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
