y did u give ur computer a hand job?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize