Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
