there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
