i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
