There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
