You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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