I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
