i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
