Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
