Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
