I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
