He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
