watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
