:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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