Welp...herpes.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize