literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
