remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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