a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
