You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
only you would photoshop your dick
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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