I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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