garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
