we have officially lost it.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
