p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think your dad took our porno
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
