i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
