Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
