I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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