the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
