I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
