My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize