My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
