Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
