I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
