with your own penis?
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
