im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
