Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
