I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
