i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize
