thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
