do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
