I murdered the dance floor call the cops
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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