While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
