He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
