Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
