Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
