apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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