I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize