my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
