Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
try to milk me bitch
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