i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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