I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
ttyl tear gas
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
