So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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