i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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