Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
