singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
