we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
