So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
