So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize