I think i peed on brittanys purse
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
