Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
