I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
