It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
