I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
