I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize