Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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