Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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